Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
