Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
