I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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