Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
