Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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