so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
