she looked like the before picture.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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