i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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