the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
