im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dick has a subreddit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
