Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The air was thick with penises
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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