I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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