At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
