Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
