There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
