When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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