dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
