I looked at my own cervix.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize