Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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