I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
