Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
