Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
