Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
