there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
