One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
