Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
