She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
