he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
