So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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