i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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