from now on my penis is your penis
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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