I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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