Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
