i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ttyl tear gas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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