i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need water and some morals
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
