I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
