He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
