Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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