I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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