I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
