i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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