Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
