they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
