the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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