I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You pole danced in your parka.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
