did you get engaged???
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
