you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
