I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
