Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
