Ambien. No doubt about it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sext me about skeletons
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
