My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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