I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
