She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
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