he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
