Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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