I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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