get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
